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Sex Questions & Answers

Q:Why Doesn’t My Boyfriend Get Pre-Cum?

My name is Alice, and I’m a 20-year-old woman with a very high sex drive. I’ve had four sexual partners so far, and they’ve all had different needs and sexual preferences. But my latest partner is in his late 30s, and for some reason he doesn’t get pre-cum just before climaxing.

woman looking for her boyfriend's penis

He likes oral sex, so I do that a lot. But when I’ve done it in the past, I’ve noticed a watery discharge oozing from the penis just before the guy cums. For some reason, my current boyfriend never, ever gets this. I don’t get any warning when he’s about to cum, which is a problem.

I don’t like to swallow during oral sex, so pre-cum was always my cue to take the penis out of my mouth. But that’s not my only concern. I’m worried if something could be wrong with my boyfriend.

Is this common, and can he do anything about it? I’m not used to dating older men, so I thought I’d get some advice.


When it Comes to Pre-Cum, all Men are Different

Thanks for writing in, Alice. I understand why this is an issue for you, and why it might be a cause for concern. But let me put your mind at rest: there’s probably nothing to worry about. When it comes to pre-cum, all men are different.

Let me start by asking you to think about your own vagina during sex. There will probably be times when you’re very wet, and other times when you’re a little drier. And if you’ve talked to female friends about this, you’ll probably know that some women get wetter down there than others.

All Men are Different When it Comes to Pre-Cum

Both men and women can experience different levels of moisture during arousal. If you think that your boyfriend is dry compared to your other partners, you shouldn’t dwell on it. Unless your boyfriend is experiencing pain, impotence or other types of discharge, this is probably just how he is.

Pre-cum is pre-ejaculatory fluid that emanates from the tip of the penis. In some men, it will appear almost immediately after an erection has fully developed. However, in other men, pre-cum may not make an appearance until just a few moments before climax.

Just Because You Don't See It, Doesn't Mean It's Not There

There is a chance that your man’s pre-cum is being disguised when he ejaculates. If the pre-cum appears just a second or two before the main release of fluid, you’d probably never notice it. Try not to get hung up on the concept; as long as you’re enjoying a healthy sex life, that’s all that matters.

Handsome guy pre-cuming

Depending on the pressure and the angle of the penis, you may never see this pre-ejaculatory fluid. It’s also worth bearing in mind that the amount of fluid created varies greatly from man to man.

The chances are your boyfriend actually is producing pre-cum — there’s just not enough of it for you to notice.

If you’re using condoms as contraception, your boyfriend should always put them on before penetration. This is because even the tiniest quantities of pre-cum can contain sperm. This is why the rhythm method of contraception is so unreliable.

In terms of sexually transmitted diseases, even the smallest amount of pre-cum can transmit them to sexual partners. Making your boyfriend pull out just before he ejaculates does not constitute safe sex.

Communicate with Your Boyfriend

If you’ve been using pre-cum as a sign that your boyfriend is about to cum, you need to talk to your boyfriend. You need to ask him to let you know when he’s about to climax if you don’t want semen in your mouth during oral sex.

But as pre-cum is created at different stages of arousal, this sign is unreliable anyway. There is absolutely nothing to worry about if you never see pre-cum emanate from your boyfriend’s penis.

Some men are like a leaking tap during sexual activity, and others are bone dry. If you’re very concerned about the issue, the best thing to do is raise it with your boyfriend.

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