The “several night stand” is an increasingly popular definition of a relationship that involves lots of sex but very little else. Unfortunately, a lot of people don’t actually realise that they’re in a NSA relationship, and they plod along in complete denial.
You might be someone who wants more from your partner, but all you get is sex and the odd date here and there. Your partner, on the other hand, might be very happy with this arrangement.
Alternatively, you could be the person who doesn’t really want to commit to something long term. You’re looking for a fuck friend, but you’re not being honest with yourself.
Regardless of what YOU want out of your relationship, it’s important to understand exactly where you stand. Whether you’re looking for a future life partner or simply searching for short-term gratification, understanding the signs of a several night stand allows you to take control of your romantic destiny.
Do you and your partner spend just two or three days a week together? Are you apart more than you’re together? Being in a part-time relationship is a sign that your relationship is a several night stand. Perhaps you’re getting together for a couple of nights a week.
While you might go out for dinner or enjoy a few drinks, the time you spend together is limited to just a few hours a week.
You don’t need to be together all of the time to consider yourself in a full-time relationship, but you both should be spending the majority of your free time in each other’s company. If you’re not, whatever it is you have is probably nothing more than a casual, mutually beneficial friendship with benefits.
While you might plan to do things with your partner, you are having a several night stand if everything is planned around having sex. Perhaps you only get in touch when one of you is horny. Or maybe you rush dinner, drinks or your other activities to get into the bedroom.
A lot of people don’t realise that their relationship is just about sex; they’re either completely oblivious or in denial.
Once you’ve been sexually satisfied, you might both struggle to make plans for the next meeting. “I’ll call you through the week” or “text me at the weekend” aren’t things a committed person in a loving relationship would say.
Pro Tip: After Sex
A great way to check if your relationship is a several night stand is to think about what happens immediately after sex. Do you both struggle to find things to talk about? Do you simply want to get dressed and leave? If you do, the chances are your relationship is little more than a casual sex agreement.
You and your casual partner may arrange the odd night out, followed by hot sex, but you struggle to make future plans until the next time on of you is horny. This is a classic sign that you’re having a several night stand.
When you’re asked about your plans, you’re non-committal, and you’d much rather just “see what happens”.
Commitment means staying faithful and being there for the other person for emotional support. If you’re both simply enjoying sex and meeting once or twice a week for a conversation, you’re not really committed to one another.
However, there is a chance that one of you is willing to commit. Be honest about things; if you both don’t want to commit right now, that’s great.
You and your partner might be the picture of romance when you’re out with friends, but are you the same when you’re alone. Are you both comfortable with awkward silences behind closed doors? There is often safety in numbers when it comes to being intimate, but the real test is at home — when you’re not expected to put on a show.
Intimacy isn’t just about sex, it’s about playing with one another’s hair, or scrubbing each other’s back in the tub. If you’re cold and clinical when you’re together, sex is probably the only thing keeping you together.
People who are serious about a relationship want to meet their partner’s friends and family. Those who see the situation as temporary will go to significant lengths in order to avoid such a meeting.
Introducing the most special people in your life to your partner shows that you’re in this for the long run. If you’re reluctant to do it, the chances are you’re involved in one long string of sex dates, rather than a meaningful relationship.
PRO TIP: Several Night Relationship Detector
Imagine you’re introducing your partner to your friends in 30 minutes. How does that make you feel. If you’re panicked and nervous, there’s a good chance that your relationship is a several night stand.
Any relationship needs some common ground when it comes to activities and hobbies. You should both have a few shared interests — things you can enjoy together.
Whether you’re going for long walks, watching movies at the cinema or trainspotting, anything you like doing together can be a sign that your relationship has legs. If all you do together is have sex, the prospects of a lasting bond aren’t very promising.
Imagine your partner has just dumped you. Do you feel sad, disappointed or panicked? If you don’t, there’s a very good chance that you’re in this relationship for the sex. You might think that you love your partner, but love and sex get confused and conflated all the time.
If the prospect of spending your lives apart makes you both sad, stick with it. But if splitting up doesn’t fill you with dread, you’re probably involved in a several night stand.
Enjoy it while it lasts.
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with a several night stand. In fact, it could be just what you need right now. But if you’re looking for your life partner, it’s important to know the signs before you invest anything more in your current relationship.