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Q:My Girlfriend Cheated on me With A Woman - What Should I Do?


I'm a 36 year-old engineer with a major crisis on my hands. Not long ago, I was in a loving relationship with an amazing woman. But it all fell apart when she admitted that she'd been having an affair - with another woman.

blonde seducing a Guy's girlfriend

This woman was a friend of a friend really, and not someone we knew well - or so I thought. Apparently their affair has ended,, but I'm suspicious. We've tried to work things out, and we're still in touch, but I think it's gone too far to patch up our relationship.

I'm really confused. What can I do?



Don't Give Up Hope, and Try to Think Things Through

Hello there, and thanks a lot for getting in touch. You've clearly reached a crisis point in your life, but the first thing to stress is that things can work out well. And this doesn't necessarily have to mean that your relationship falls apart forever.

Right now, you're hurting and confused. Maybe you're wondering whether your girlfriend every really loved you, where you went wrong, and what that says about you as a person. Forget all of those things, and forget about feeling bitter towards your partner.

The first step to moving forward is positivity and clarity, not continuing confusion.

Lesbian Affairs Aren't Always Evidence of Long-Term Infidelity

You say that you're still in touch. That's good. At this stage in break-ups, partners tend to be either at each others' throats or completely separated, and that doesn't seem to apply to you. This might mean that your girlfriend is hoping for a reconciliation.

It might also mean that her lesbian affair was just a version of NSA fun, and not as serious as you made it out to be. More women that you might think have sexual fantasies about other woman. It's definitely not unusual for them to become close and out these fantasies into action.

What is less usual is for male partners to find out!

The fact that your GF has been honest with you is a sign that she values you more than her lover. If you can summon the strength to accept her back, there may be scope for a fresh start.

Get to Know Your Partner Anew, And Her Friends As Well

Let's assume that you are willing to take back someone who cheated on you (not an easy thing to do for some guys, I know). The key thing then is to understand why she did what she did, and how you can handle it.

It might be that your partner is bisexual and has always been, without admitting it. If so, it's possible to balance this with a heterosexual relationship, providing the male partner is open about allowing his girlfriend a casual gay hookup every now and then. This type of open arrangement is much more common than you think.

Get to know her friends more as well, and if you can, talk to the person she slept with. She might be willing to meet, if she's not bitter herself, and there's a good chance you can handle things amicably.

Without meeting your partner's friends, you'll miss out on insights about why she cheated on you, and you may not understand what women mean to her on a social and sexual level.

Find Out Whether She's Been Playing You All Along

However, here's the kicker. Don't be a doormat for someone who a) doesn't want to reconcile in a way that treats you seriously and b) has never been straight with you.

If your girlfriend fell into a lesbian fuck buddy situation casually and without knowing how she felt, there's probably a way forward which lets her explore her sexuality and maintains your dignity.

But if she has always had feelings for women and just not told you about them, that's a completely different matter. Some women hide their sexual past from male partners to build relationships, because they desire family life.

But deep down, they don't ditch their sexual desires. If you think your partner fits into that category, you'll need to be decisive. She's not for you.

Engage Your Positivity And Make A Decision Fast

By being decisive, you can start one of two difficult processes. Either you rebuild your relationship on a firmer footing, or you go your separate ways for good.

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If you stay together, counselling can help. But you'll probably need to have a totally new attitude towards openness and sex. That can be done, but it's tough at first.

The alternative is to accept that things went wrong, to make your peace and leave. You need to be honest with yourself, and remember at all times that anger is not your friend. But you can do this.

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