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What to Do: My Boyfriend's Penis is Too Big For My Vagina to Handle?

Dear Shannon. I really hope you can help me out, because I've got a major sexual conundrum. I'm a 27 year-old teacher from Brisbane and have been seeing my current boyfriend for a year or so. Naturally we've been having sex for most of that time, but there's a problem.

sexy lady not knowing how to handle her boyfriend's too big penis

His penis is unusually large, and my vagina well - it isn't. Because of that I often find sex to be uncomfortable, and rarely reach the kind of orgasms I crave. Other than that, we get on great and are totally in love.

But I haven't raised the physical issue with him out of embarrassment and the desire not to offend. It's not his fault, after all. If I could find a solution, it would be a life saver, so hopefully you can help me out.


Size Does Matter, But It Doesn't Have to be a Problem

Hi there - and thanks so much for getting in touch. Your problem is actually something I hear about a lot, and you're right - it's something that women find it hard to talk about with their partners.

However, the first thing to do is to have that conversation. You aren't doing your relationship any favours by biting your tongue and enduring bad sex with someone you love, just because you are afraid to offend him. If the two of you are really close, it won't be a difficult conversation to have.

And if he's really as big as you say, he may have encountered similar problems before. In fact, he might be embarrassed to bring it up too. So it could be a chance for both of you to get the issue off your chest and start working out solutions.

Working on Your Sexual Technique Can Really Help

In cases like this, I always start with technique. Most of the time, guys with big endowments aren't experts in using them sensitively. They don't realise how uncomfortable it can be to experience tight fits and clumsy sex. But it's key to making your casual sex lives better.

Try to encourage him to use shallower thrusts, and to be more gentle. Instead of plunging into your vagina and up against your cervix, he needs to be more delicate, easing his way inside and going only as far as you are comfortable with.

Guys aren't naturally good at understanding female anatomy, so he'll need some prodding and help, but as your sex improves, he'll come around for sure.

Try Different Positions to Make Penetration More Bearable

After you've disciplined his technique, it might be worth experimenting with different sexual positions. In many couples, the guy has been the one dominating bedroom behaviour, but you need to take control and suggest more comfortable love-making positions. Be strong - it's worth it.


RELATED: Sex Positions Matter: How to Guarantee Sexual Ecstasy Every Time


Going on top is a popular option for girls whose boyfriends are on the larger size. That way, you can often accommodate him slightly more easily and be in total control of how deep he goes, which can often be crucial to enjoying pain-free sexual penetration.

But being on top isn't the only option by any means. Standing either forwards or backwards can work out perfectly, as can side saddle positions, while I love the lotus flower yoga-style position. But it's really about experimenting until you find one that suits your anatomy.

Investigate the Wonders of Lube

Another thing to think about is lubrication. It might be that your boyfriend's size isn't the only problem. Vaginal dryness is all-too-common, and it can exacerbate the problems associated with large male genitals.

Lube is cheap, easy to apply and totally safe. And it's not just beneficial for you. If your partner has a large penis, they may appreciate the reduced friction as well, enhancing their sexual pleasure.

In any case, lubrication is something to experiment with if all else fails.

Be Creative and Change the Tempo of Your Sex Life

Finally, think about slowing things down in the bedroom. Much of the time, guys with big penises use them clumsily and far too fast, seeking rapid gratification and imposing themselves on their partners.

boyfriend with a big penis

But if you're feeling uncomfortable, slower sex is better sex. So try to focus on foreplay and touch, rather than diving straight into full-on sexual intercourse. Find practices you both love, whether that's mutual masturbation or facesitting. As long as it slows things down, it will help when the time comes for penetration.

As you can see, mismatches in the bedroom aren't a fatal issue for relationships. But they do take some effort to handle. Hopefully we've set you on the road to doing so.

Good luck!

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