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Sex Questions & Answers

Q: I tend to cum really quickly. Is this normal for a woman?

My name is Anna, and I’m a 25-year-old woman with an active sex life. Although I have a casual boyfriend, I also enjoy several casual sex encounters every month via an adult dating site.

Young sexy woman cumming too fast

I’ve always had a very fulfilling and exciting sex life, but recently I’ve noticed that I’m cumming faster than ever. And the issue is at its worst when I’m having no-strings attached sex.

There’s no real pattern that I can see. Whether I’m in the missionary position or the doggy position, I cum after just a few strokes. I’m starting to become a little paranoid about this, as it’s usually the man who has to worry about climaxing so quickly.

Is there anything I can do to stop myself from cumming so quickly? Are certain positions better for lasting longer? Should I masturbate just before I meet a guy for sex? I’m worried that the men I sleep with will start to think I’m faking my orgasms, so I really need to find a solution.

A: Control your sexual arousal through practice… and get to know your body

Thanks for writing in Anna. Firstly, you should not worry about this issue. Millions of women experience the same issue, so you’re certainly not alone. Secondly, there are some relatively simple ways to make yourself last longer.

I’ll start by saying that this is an issue many couples would welcome. A much more common problem involves the man climaxing before the woman — something that usually stops sexual activity in its tracks. If you’re climaxing before your lovers, you should both be getting some satisfaction from sex.

It’s also interesting that the issue is worst when you’re having sex with casual partners. This might point to the fact that having casual sex with virtual strangers heightens your arousal.

Quality over quantity

You may be worried that climaxing too soon is adversely affecting the quality of the orgasms you’re experiencing. If you want to maintain that warm, invigorating feeling that occurs just before orgasm, there are a few relatively simple things you can try.

The first step you should take should be to talk to your partner. Explain your problem to him, and tell him you’d like to take more time to tease. Foreplay will ease your body into an erotic state, rather than simply getting you intensely aroused straight away.

Start with some sensual kissing, and maybe some mutual massage. Gradually take each other’s clothes of, and build your way to mutual masturbation. However, keep things slow, and regulate your own breathing. If you can train yourself to avoid getting overly excited, you should be able to delay your orgasms for longer.

Practice makes perfect

But if you’re going to master the art of delaying your orgasms, you’ll need to understand your body. Spend more time masturbating or playing with your dildos. Make a mental note of the stages that lead up to orgasm, and practice trying to control them. It should only take you a few practice runs to identify your point of no return — the point at which an orgasm becomes inevitable.

Your goal is to identify the point of no return and find ways to de-escalate the process. If you can reach that point several times during sex — without climaxing — your final orgasm should blow your mind. If you’re having sex, this might mean getting your partner to pull out or slow down.

But remember: you’ll need to practice alone a few times before you can control your body in this way.

Communication with your partner is crucial

Of course, you will need the cooperation of your partner to make this work. Asking the guy you’re with to continually stop and start might cause frustration and resentment, so communication is crucial. Think of a few ways in which you can keep your guy occupied while you allow your body to pull back from the point of orgasm.

Fortunately, there are a few ways you can keep a man happy between periods of sexual intercourse, including:

  • Oral sex
  • Massage
  • Role play
  • Masturbation
  • Pornography
  • Dirty talk

But it’s important to remember that the best outcome usually involves the woman cumming just before the man. While you should keep your guy sexually aroused while you calm down, be careful not to make him climax prematurely.

Be honest

Perhaps the most difficult part of dealing with an issue such as yours is approaching your partner. He may have to completely change the way he has sex, but you can sugar the pill by suggesting the options listed above. You may even want to experiment with being the dom in your relationship — telling your partner to start and stop on your command.

Whatever happens, try not to worry about cumming too quickly, as this can make the issue worse. The fact that you can climax easily is actually a positive sign, as it means you probably won’t have to fake orgasms or leave your partner feeling inadequate.

Keep practising orgasm control, and you should be able to improve your sex life dramatically.

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