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Love Magazine

Dirty talking is all about passion, excitement and imagination

Stoking the fires of passion is not easy for some people. It can feel a little awkward and forced at times, and that can spoil the bedroom fun. If you find it difficult to talk dirty to your sexual partners, the important thing to remember is that you're not alone. In fact, this is a problem that affects millions of men and women all over the world. You might be wondering if there's anything you can do to make your dirty talking easier and more effective. Well, yes, there are several methods you can do to inject extra passion and horniness into your sex life. All you need is the confidence to do it.

man whispering in the girl's ear

Why do you struggle with dirty talking?

Let's be honest: there is nothing natural about dirty talking. This isn't something we do every day at work, in the street or even in the comfort of our own homes. Our sub-conscious mind tells us that talking in such a way is either not acceptable or completely unnatural. But you will need to retrain your mind to fight these feelings. If you can do this, you'll find the act of dirty talking a lot easier over time.

So, before you try again, you need to get used to having sexy thoughts. You also need to come to terms with the fact that fantasies and sexual desires are part and parcel of being human. Once you do this, the rest comes naturally. Open your mind to your own, natural wants, needs and desires, and the act of dirty talking will become relatively easy.

Verbalise your thoughts

Dirty talking works best when it flows naturally. The more you discriminate and try to censor your own thoughts, the more awkward and weird the whole experience will be. Although it might be hard at first, you need to describe your innermost fantasies as accurately as possible. Don't leave any details out, and try to have fun. If you're not having a great time, the chances are your partner won't be either.

Nothing should be out of bounds when talking dirty. Don't worry about social norms and rules; be as dirty as your mind allows. Of course, this will be a matter of trial and error. There may be certain things your partner doesn't like, and you might need to work on the delivery of your fantasies. But you know what they say: Practice makes perfect!

Get your timing right

There is often a fine line between sounding sexy and a little pervy, so you need to be sure that your timing is spot on. Try to avoid the temptation of getting too sexy too soon. The hornier you and your partner are, the further you will be able to go. Particularly for women, dirty talking that pushes boundaries will only ever be sexy if they're already turned on. This is why men should gradually build their way to the sexiest talk. You can really let loose with your thoughts when you're in the throes of passion. Men, on the other hand, often need firing up early on, and they will often respond to really dirty talk early on in a love making session.

If you're planning a long session of foreplay, you should be starting things very slowly. Perhaps talk about what you're wearing, and whether anyone at work was mentally undressing you. A few winks and suggestions may be all that is required at this point. Keep things romantic, sensual and suggestive at this point.

Choose your words carefully

Although it's important to verbalise your thoughts at exactly the right times, some words will work better than others. In fact, there might be words that prove to be a complete turn off for your partner. Unfortunately, you may need to experiment with certain vocabulary and phrasing in order to find a way to truly connect with your partner. The words you use to describe sex, clothing and body parts will be crucial to the success of your dirty talking. Try not to use words that could make your partner laugh. And turn up the heat gradually. Jumping straight to the sexiest words you know might make things a little awkward when you're both not at the height of your horniness.

Select the right voice

If you start talking about sex, sexual positions and orgasms in your ordinary, everyday voice, your partner may struggle to buy into what you're trying to achieve. Keep your voice low, slow and seductive - without straying into comedy, of course. Tell your partner how badly you want them. Whisper in their ear at first. The hornier and hotter you both get, the louder and more direct you can become. If you can add a natural hoarseness and breathless to your voice, what you're saying will become so much more believable. Once again, finding the right combination of volume, tone and accent will take time, so expect a few setbacks along the way.

Some examples of effective dirty talking

man dirty talking to his girlBefore you start thinking about exactly what you're going to say, it's worth remembering that the dirty talk can start hours before you actually get down to sexy fun. From the moment you wake, you can be ramping up the tension with carefully chosen phrases at key times of the day. You can continue the fun by text or phone - gradually whipping up your partner into a sexual frenzy. And remember: the hornier your partner is, the more effective your dirty talking will be.

Exactly what you say to your partner should be genuine and have meaning, but there are a few things that are very popular amongst most couples.

  • I need you to put it in me.
  • What are you wearing right now?
  • I'm touching myself: what are you doing?
  • I'm not wearing any underwear
  • You made me wet
  • You made me hard
  • I need to tear off your clothes right now
  • Tell me what you're going to do to me
  • You feel so good in me
  • I love being inside you
  • Fuck me!
  • Call me your whore!

Of course, exactly what you say will depend on where you are, whether you're enjoying a particular type of sex and the relationship you both have. You might be enjoying group sex with strangers, in which case the things you say could be very different. The important thing is to have fun, and try to select the most appropriate words for the scenario.

Dirty talking is all about passion, excitement and verbalising your fantasies. With some practice and the cooperation of your sexual partners, there's no reason why your sex talk can't be electrifying.

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Image sourcesImage 1 - ViewApartImage 2 - Alexander Wurditsch