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Love Magazine

Playing For Both Teams: What You Need To Know About Dating A Bisexual Girl

So you’re out for dinner on the 5th date. You’ve gotten pretty close and you’re thinking of asking her to make it exclusive. Right then and there, she drops the b-bomb: she’s bisexual. Wait, what? This was not how this was supposed to go!

two bisexual naked women in bed

Before you draw any crazy conclusions about why this relationship is doomed or envision every sexual escapade as a threesome, let’s talk about what it’s really like to date a bisexual woman. And how this relationship is literally going to change your life — if you can let go, relax and go with the flow. Bisexual women are painted as women of extremes: either they’re covering up their preference for same sex relationships or they’re “bisexual” because they’re sexually insatiable. Rest assured, neither description is necessarily true and, more often than not, it’s a completely skewed image with no basis in reality.

Are there women who are sexually insatiable? Sure, just as much as there are men who are the same. Are there women who’s bisexuality is an expression of a preference of one gender over the other? Perhaps. But the point is that you’ve got to take it on a case by case basis. Painting every bisexual or bicurious woman you meet as an absolute figure is totally ridiculous. And, the sad thing is, by doing this, you miss out on the chance to have a truly amazing relationship because, if you know what you’re doing, a relationship with a bisexual woman could completely change your life.

The Bi-Spectrum

There are women who are bisexual and then there are women who are bi-curious. How do you tell the difference? Well, women who are bisexual are mostly gender neutral in their preference and will have actually had a couple of relationships in the past, both with the same and the opposite sex.

Women who are bi-curious are attracted to other women, have fantasized about them or noticed them but they will not have typically acted out on these fantasies and will not have gone as far as actual relationships. They lock this curiosity away in the back of their minds, in other words, but are not looking to get into an actual same-sex relationship.

Neither is better or worse and being bi-curious is not like being bisexual but a “lite” version. This is way too simplistic and doesn’t conform to the real experience of dating bisexual women. Women who are bisexual are not more or less likely to cheat, be more or less promiscuous than their heterosexual partners and are not “undercover” lesbians. They don’t use heterosexual relationships or relationships with a man as a cover for lesbian tendencies.

A more accurate way to understand the bisexual woman you’re dating is to understand that she’s not really into differentiating or discriminating between males or females. For her, it’s the person’s personality that is most important and there are aspects of the female body and male form that attract her equally but in different ways. Just because she “plays for both teams” does not mean she’s settling for your or thinking about having a threesome with a woman when she’s with you.

It’s Not Me, It’s You

When you’re in a relationship with a bisexual woman, the most important thing to display is confidence. You need this not just to approach any woman but you also need it to move from just dating her to getting into an actual relationship with her. A lot of men are insecure by the idea that their woman could possibly be interested in other women for a relationship. Somehow, these men assume that simply because she also loves women, she’s going to be less committed or she’s “selfish” because she wants to (or fee they can) have sex with “anything”

Nothing could be further than the truth. Dating bisexual women is like dating a woman with preferences only for one gender over another. Falling into the trap of characterizing bisexual women with these generalities makes you miss out on what’s really important: how amazing she really is. Because bisexual women are equally attracted to men as much as women, in the end, it’s the specific person that matters. It’s their personalities and the way they click with that individual person. If your girlfriend has told you she’s bisexual, that’s no reason to feel emasculated. If anything, you should feel empowered. Insecurity does not work well, even when you’re with a heterosexual woman and it’s certainly not going to be sexy to a woman who is attracted to the individual over and above all else.

If you feel like she’s not “into” you, don’t automatically assume that it’s because she’s secretly much more into women than men or because she’s just attracted to everyone she sees and can’t make a decision. This conclusion is not her fault but does show you that you may have some issues of your own to sort out. Bisexual women are exactly like regular women and you don’t need to play any mind games with her. If you can remember that it’s not her, it’s you, and work on yourself first, dating a bisexual woman can be the most rewarding experience because she will be open-minded and adventurous. After all, she’s not confined to gender stereotypes — so why should you be?

Sexual Healing

One of the most obvious places a lot men get stuck is on the sexual — or, rather, the sexual implications of what it means to date a bisexual woman. They (wrongly) assume that, for women who are attracted to both genders, it must automatically be because they simply can’t settle on one or don’t like to be monogamous. In reality, bisexual women are no different than any other woman with a specific sexual preference and are completely able to have long term relationships with one gender, committing to a man or even being serial monogamists. If a bisexual woman cheats on you, it’s not because of her sexual preference, it’s because you’re being played, just as you might be with any other lover. It’s risk you run with people, not their sexual preferences.

man goes to bed with two women in it

Don’t assume that simply because you’re dating a bisexual woman, it’s going to be threesomes 24-7. Again, it really depends on the woman. She might not be comfortable “sharing” you with anyone else in the bedroom and just because she is sexually attracted to women, doesn’t mean that her choice to make you her partner means she’s looking for something on the side. There’s no need to second guess why this amazing woman is with you, simply because she’s been open and honest enough with you to tell you she’s bisexual. She has trusted you enough to let you know about this so don’t make the mistake of using it against her.

While it’s true that bisexual women feel a different sexual thrill when they are with female partners rather than men, the point is that she has chosen to be with you so you must assume that she enjoys being with you. It’s not all about the sex, even when it comes to sex. Here’s the bottom line: dating a bisexual woman is both almost exactly the same as dating a hetero- woman and yet completely different. Bisexual women are not confined by gender norms and, because they must accept this aspect about themselves, are much more open-minded about what they want to experience in life. In this way, you’re lucky to be with someone who’s going to accept you exactly as you are!

The way that you would judge a hetero- woman’s honesty in the relationship is how you should look at the motivations and values of your bisexual partner. She is no more or less “sexed” than any other woman. Focus on the individual. There are, of course, straight women who are much more promiscuous and prefer this to long-term relationships. And none of this has to do with her sexual preference — so why should it be any different for bisexual women?


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